squarewarts playground

For those of you thinking of ditching out on this dance, you should remember that the time when you can party on someone else's dime is a rather limited commodity. Pretty soon you'll be paying good coin to get into celebrations like this, or at least having to flirt with the bouncer.

And I'm fairly certain that's not an option for some of you.

Anyway, you shouldn't think of these dances as boring or a waste of time. Why, I once met a wizard at a school dance when I was young, crazy bastard wanted to use dragons instead of brooms in Quidditch, told me all we had to do was slap an X somewhere in the name, and the fans would go wild. Well, needless to say I tried to talk him out of it, but he was determined. Ended up having a bit too much punch and decided to set off right then and there to find his first dragon, and took me along with him!

Ended up spending a week traveling through the Forbidden Forest, and then the mountains past them, until we finally managed to find a dragon's cave. Of course, he's all, 'Don't worry Varric, I've been preparing for this my whole life!' And by preparing, he meant had some half brained spell he thought would let him control the thing. Only problem was, he'd tested in on wyvrens, and as anyone can tell you, those are totally different from dragons. Poor fellow managed to get two steps into the cave before he got snatched up in as many bites. Luckily for me, I had Bianca with me, and no such delusions about the domestication of dragons. One bolt from my girl in the eye was all it took, and I had myself a dead dragon and its hoard of riches to haul back.

And that students, is both how old Professor Varric here made his first million, and a lesson on why you should always try to attend school dances.

[Ladies and gentlemen of Hogwarts, your Professor of Communications and Public Speaking at work.]